What is EFT?

Emotionally Focused Therapy is an experiential  and humanistic approach to psychotherapy based on well researched attachment science. EFT for couples is designed to a structured and  short-term approach, which lends itself well to an intensive experience. Through tapping into our emotional experiences we can begin to understand how we feel and what we need. That which we understand we can predict; that which we can predict we can explain; and that which we can explain we can change.

Emotionally focused therapy is the most effective treatment for distressed couples.  It is twice as effective as the next most successful approach.

Research shows that 70-75% of couples recover from high distress and develop a secure connection and 90% of couples improve.

And the great news is, the research shows those results are lasting--even for couples at high risk for divorce.

For more information about attachment science: Love Sense: from Infant to Adult (Sue Johnson and Ed Tronick)

What is the difference between this intensive couples retreat and other marriage retreats?

Great question. There are many different options out there and it can be hard to know which choice is the best. The biggest difference is that many retreats are offered in groups and with facilitators who may or may not have a clinical therapy background. With an intensive couples retreat you will have 12 hours working face-to-face with me the whole time. The intensive couples retreat offers an extended, focused, and individualized therapeutic experience that group retreats are not designed to offer. Group retreats can provide a nice tune up for your relationship but are not the best options for those in serious relationship distress or crisis. 

Why should we choose a couples retreat over weekly couples therapy sessions?

Relationships in crisis often need results quickly, and an intensive format can help you make progress faster than weekly sessions.

• Many people will find it easier to take a few days completely off of work and family obligations rather than freeing up a few hours per week for regular weekly sessions.

• The retreat setting allows you to spend an extended period of time solely focused on your relationship, an opportunity that we get very rarely in our busy world. You and your partner can leave the everyday stresses behind and really think and talk about your relationship without other distractions. 

• Traveling to a marriage therapist may allow for greater anonymity for couples who are prominent members of the community or who live in smaller towns.

• Minneapolis is fun! Portland of the midwest, I’ve been told. You can build in rest and relaxation with your partner outside of the intensive therapy time.

After the intensive will we need additional counseling?

The most honest answer I can give is: Maybe? 

EFT is a structured short-term process and it’s possible to work through the whole process during an intensive retreat. We will try to get through as much of the therapeutic process as we can during our time together but it will depend on where we end and whether or not you both feel like you need more support to continue making gains in the relationship. I can schedule a follow up session with you in order to further ascertain next steps. I can also help you connect with an EFT therapist in your area if you so choose. 

Is intensive couples therapy covered by insurance?

That depends on your insurance benefits. If your health insurance covers couples counseling, it will most likely cover some portion of the intensive couples retreat.I suggest you contact your insurance company and ask about couple therapy coverage and out-of-network provider benefits. I do not bill the insurance company directly, but I am happy to provide you with the necessary paperwork to submit the claims for insurance or health savings account reimbursement.

The bottom line: is it worth it?

A loving relationship is one of the best gifts we can give ourselves and each other. It’s worth fighting for. It’s worth it to feel hopeful again. It’s worth it to feel love again. It’s worth it to feel safe again. It’s worth it to get answers to burning questions. It’s worth it to devote time to one of the most important aspects of your life.

Here is a researched based list of what we know about how adults respond to loving relationships. They are worth it:

• When we feel generally secure - we are comfortable with closeness and confident about depending on loved ones - we are better at seeking support. 

• When we feel safely linked to our partners, we more easily roll with the hurts they inevitably inflict, and we are less likely to be aggressively hostile when we get mad at them.

• When we feel safely connected to others we understand ourselves better and like ourselves more.

• When we feel safely connected we are more curious and open to new information. 

• Having positive close times to others improves mental, emotional, and physical health.

• Contact with a loving partner literally acts as a buffer against shock, stress, and pain in our bodies.